Ticket 2 Ride

“Listening is a craft. Hearing is an art.” Whoever first said this is a wise person. What’s even more incredible is when you direct this at yourself. Self awareness is not always a natural trait; I find it amazing how many people have no ability or interest in knowing how the rest of the world perceives them.

Self awareness is like an instrument panel or dashboard of indicators. It’s really an ongoing process of hearing, learning, evaluating and adjusting.

As for myself, it’s a continuous process, and it’s not without error. I need external feedback occasionally to fill in the blanks, or verify what I have learned. The list below are things I’ve learned and use going forward.

However, I’ve done some soul searching and identified a number of things that have become crystal clear to me. This is not a rant, no one is going to get chased off the lawn. This is a list of realizations, things I’ve discovered about myself, now as a senior.

Here they are:

1. Compromise. I’ve survived all these years, and I’ve generally lived the way I wanted, but with a lot of compromise. Personally, I don’t mind compromising, when there is a clear and positive reason to do so. Unless you want to live in a cabin on a mountain with only Big Foot as a neighbor, then nix all compromises. We must be flexible for the benefit of ourselves, those we are close to, and to avoid range wars with neighbors.

2. Lift and carry. Helping people move or helping carry furniture. Not going to happen. I have injuries to my back, foot and arm that are directly related to heavy objects. The pain from these remind me daily of being an idiot and not declining the ask. I like helping, but I hate pain.

3. Driving. Driving in bad weather, especially at night. Too many times I gave in on doing this. My eyesight is not what it used to be. White-knuckle driving is ridiculous and mostly unnecessary.

4. Loaning money. This is a sticky one. If a close friend or family member has an unfortunate situation and there is no other option, I will help as I can. That’s not a loan, it is a gift. Loaning money only has the potential to create problems. I have too many bad memories of loaning money. If I can afford to help, I will.

5. Too many people. I’m not a big social gathering person. If I go, it’s for a while then I’m outta there. Smaller functions are better. Thankfully, I now have a partner who understands my wiring and supports my needs.

6. Toxic people. I have no time for anyone who sucks the energy out of my life. I haven’t burned any bridges, but I’ve dismantled a few. Surrounded yourself with kind people. Add happiness to your life.

7. Fashion and trends. I don’t care. I was never trendy or fashionable so why try now. The possibility of me being on a fashion catalog is nil. While I can’t tell you who sings the top pop songs, or describe the new MCU film, I’m not dead. I look for new writers, filmmakers and musicians, but I’m pretty picky. Most of what I enjoy are older films and music. I have a group of writers I read, but I’m constantly searching for new authors and titles. I dress comfortably, not very fashionable. I’m trying to impress no one.

8. Going to bars. My college years were lived in bars. I don’t like going to bars now. If I want to enjoy a drink and a game on TV, it’s at home. Going to a bar for lunch or dinner is okay on occasion. I rarely drink when I’m away from home, just not something I feel comfortable doing.

9. Language. Swearing is not a bad thing when needed. I had a partner who found it necessary to lecture me about the occasional swearing. No more.

10. Overthinking. I’m still guilty, but making a real effort to decrease the mental energy and negativity that comes with “being in your head” too much.

11. Noise. I can go an evening or daytime without TV or stereo. Sometimes I enjoy the quiet. Other times not. I’m okay on the sofa or backyard with a book or writing on my laptop. Loud people are not my favorites. If I want noise, I’ll listen to the ringing in my ears.

12. Waiting in lines. How much of our lives to we spending waiting? A lot. Wait-time in a line, on the phone or at the doctor is a pain in the ass. Wait-time is unavoidable, but I’m more selective about where and why I wait.

13. Traveling. . I’ve learned that being comfortable and not rushed while traveling is very important. When possible, stay somewhere comfortable and private. Pay for the hotel. Don’t rush, avoid rush hour traffic when driving, know your route, weather and options for parking, or using public transportation. One can’t plan for everything, but the fewer things to worry about the better.

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Remember…

Own yourself. Flaws, imperfections and quirks – we all have them. Don’t be unkind or take advantage of others. Have manners, and thank others for their kindness and effort. Stick up for yourself, but don’t be obnoxious about your opinions or pushing yourself to the front of the line. The person struggling to place their order, find the right card in their wallet, understand the teller, walk up the steps, get comfortable in the restaurant booth – may be you before you know it.