Ticket 2 Ride

The Zappa Family definitely had its dysfunctional elements, according to eldest child of musician Frank Zappa and wife Gail.

“Earth to Moon,” was a common way of mother Gail talking to her daughter, Moon Unit, and from the frequency and tone, not exactly warm and cuddly.

Earth to Moon, a memoir (HarperCollins, 2024), tells the story of life inside the Zappa family, the distant relationship between father and children, and the often-frayed relationship between mother and daughter.

Here’s a survey question for readers: How many children refer to their parents by first name? Or have curse words regular part of the family vocabulary, or where the children aware (sounds, unexpected visuals) of the sexual exploits of their parents. The Zappa’s were not the Brady’s, that’s clear from page one.

Early in the story, Moon mentions the girls group, The GTOs, who Frank signed to a recording deal, and is aware of them frequently getting naked and flirting with him. One member of the GTOs was Cynthia Plaster Caster, famous for making plaster casts of famous musicians’ manhoods. How does a young girl know of these things? Or of her father’s frequent infidelities? His German girlfriend sent Moon a special cream for her acne.

The song “Valley Girl” becomes Frank Zappa’s biggest hit, and daughter Moon is part of it. She became the face on the “valley girl” phenomenon, and rode that fame for jobs with MTV and VH1, and various acting roles.

As she tells the story, I wonder if she’s describing what she really felt of the public attention with the release of “Valley Girl.” Moon was thrust into the song’s promotional effort, largely, without her touring father, she writes. Mother Gail, who was now managing Frank and running his business operation, was not any happier with her husband’s increasing absence, women and occasional STD.

Moon describes a very dysfunctional family environment headed by parents who were controlling and emotionally abusive. Frank and Gail used money and dependency as a means to control their kids, and each other. Moon also describes the difficulty of breaking away from her parents to establish her own sense of self and career. “Valley Girl” gave her a taste of a career, but using that as a springboard for greater show biz and music success proved illusive.

Her writing is witty and self-depreciating, revealing, and a bit melancholy, but you root for her success. There’s a lot of bad or sad things that happen to Moon, usually involving her family, but he finds a way through these challenges, sometimes bruised, and often filing it in the “I’ll never treat someone like that” in the future.

The latter chapters are more downbeat as Moon experiences an unplanned pregnancy, the death of her father, nearly losing her daughter to illness, a divorce, the loss of her home, some career setbacks, and later her mother’s death. The most unkindly cut was her mother’s will, which ignored Frank’s wishes and unevenly distributed her assets (Frank Zappa’s musical royalties, unreleased music and other properties) to her children. Ahmet and Diva receive 30 percent each; Moon and Dweezil 20 percent each and prohibit from participating in any Trustee decisions. Even in death, Gail was vengeful. Moon writes that she emerges stronger and more determined, and despite strained relationships with her siblings as a result of ownership issues involving the family trust, she hope a reconciliation is possible. That’s optimism.

It’s difficult to read this book about a young girl’s ascent into womanhood, without being quite disappointed, and even sickened by the parenting of Frank and Gail Zappa. Are Moon’s accusations against her parents made-up or exaggerated? I’m inclined to believe her given what I’ve read and heard about Frank and Gail through the years. It’s sad for the children, not for the money they reap from Frank’s legacy, but they are trapped inside of a hand dealt by Gail, creating factions and bitterness among the Zappa children.

4/5