America was great until the damn liberals, poor people, those of color or different ideas and unwashed, longhaired communists started to make trouble. Life was good in Christian, Wonder Bread America before the criticism and protests.
It was those commie longhairs that tried to destroy what’s good about this country. If they don’t like it, adios, off to Russia. Wait a minute, is Russia our friend now? No longer commies, just misunderstood oligarchs. “Putin says very nice things about me,” said your favorite president (his words). The world can be confusing at times.
Hippies were just one more thing the Klan didn’t like. Pot smoking, free love, motorcycle riding, tattooed, moral degenerates. easy to tell a good guy from a bad one.
Reports from around the country:
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) called Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib and Ayanna Pressley (“The Squad”), all members of Congress, anti-Americans and communists. Trump said they should go home and fix their countries. These women are dangerous, they say what they think and make white men nervous.
Fox News host Lisa Kennedy Montgomery said of Bruce Springsteen, “I think he’s a commie” and that he’s “turned into a massive pinko!” Bruce doesn’t even have long hair anymore, but it’s okay to play his music as a bumper between commercials on Fox. He might have unAmerican views, but we dig his rock ‘n’ roll.
It’s pretty bad to be fired by Fox News. Like being kicked out of the Proud Boys for being too hateful. But thankfully, a kindred spirit to the rescue for Tucker Carlson:
Glen Beck: “We would love to have you here. You won’t miss a beat. And together, the two of us will tear it up. Just tear it up,” he said, addressing Carlson while talking to presenter Stu Burguiere.
Reasons not to worry:
Mark my word, the woke agenda will not bring America down. The only critical race discussion should be the race to the Stanley Cup.
Men are hard at work passing laws to save our feelings from being hurt from references to gay life, protect our bathrooms, and our national religion. God-fearing, self-appointed moms are pressuring school boards and public libraries to remove books that expose children to our evil history. Thankfully, we have a political party that cares, and are protecting old, white men (of which I’m one) from discrimination. Praise the Lord!
Again, those damn hippies, they didn’t start this descent into the decline of civilization, but they pumped up the volume. Remember, they helped the communists by convincing middle America that fighting communism in Vietnam was a bad thing. Make love, not war. Hell, in America, you can have both!
Vietnam was just the beginning. Protesting against our government and refusing to fight to save democracy in the third world. Maybe it was a proxy war against Russia and China, but it provided jobs to military contractors and weapons research. It was the Cold War, baby! That was when Russia wasn’t our friend. Yes, it’s difficult to know whether they are or aren’t on our Christmas card list.
Speaking of Christian values, hippies were responsible for ushering in the wave of drug use, premarital sex and destroying the crew cut popularity. The 1970s decade of promiscuous can be traced to the lewd behavior at Woodstock. Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. No wonder the pendulum had to make a hard swing back to the right, although it continued on and ended up in the 1950s. That’ll teach those pinko liberals! Back when America’s greatness couldn’t be questioned. We dressed alike, prayed alike, pledged allegiance, and none of that kinky California-type sex, just the Saturday night missionary position. And no talk of global warming, just nuclear warming. Damn Russians or Soviets, whoever they were, we had more nukes than them.
Damn hippies are to blame for most of America’s problems. Many would go on to be Democrats and even Republicans (Rhinos probably), they became teachers, lawyers, doctors, financial advisors and even politicians. They had kids, invested in mutual funds, joined country clubs, take cruises and swell the retirement ranks.
Make America Beautiful, Get a Haircut!
[Footnote: This blog is satire. Or is it?]